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JOHNNY APPLESEED GRACE

OH, THE LORD'S BEEN GOOD TO ME,
AND SO I THANK THE LORD.
FOR GIVING ME, THE THINGS I NEED,
THE SUN AND THE RAIN AND THE APPLE SEED.
OH, THE LORD'S BEEN GOOD TO ME.

Where learned: CAMP OHIYESA

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Belief Belief

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

PUN ON STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

THERE WAS AN INDIAN CHIEF NAMED SHORTCAKE. THE CHIEF
WAS A BACHELOR, AND ONE DAY HE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED.
WELL, HE GOT MARRIED AND DIED ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THEN? SQUAW BURY SHORTCAKE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; CLARKSON

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

(TAG YOU'RE IT)

LONG AGO AN OLD INDIAN CHIEF NAMED CRAZY HORSE HAD
SIX SONS, AND ALL BUT THE YOUNGEST HAD BECOME CHIEFS.
THE OLD MAN FELT THAT NOW WAS THE TIME FOR HIS
YOUNGEST SON TO BECOME A CHIEFTAN. HE HAD TO CHOOSE
A QUEST FOR HIS SON TO PROVE HIMSELF WORTHY OF BEING
MADE A CHIEF. THE MORE DANGEROUS THE QUEST, THE MORE
GLORY FOR BOTH THE SON AND THE OLD MAN. SINCE THIS WAS
HIS FAVORITE SON, THE OLD CHIEF THOUGHT OF THE MOST
DANGEROUS MISSION HE COULD FOR HIM. "GO AND FIND THE
SLEEPING MONSTER AND BRING BACK PROOF THAT YOU HAVE
SEEN IT." NOW RUNNING DEER, THE CHIEF'S SON TO WHOM
THIS QUEST WAS ASSIGNED WAS A LITTLE WORRIED, FOR THE
DOZEN PREVIOUS MEN SENT OUT TO FIND THE SLEEPING
MONSTER HAD NEVER COME BACK. BUT HE ACCEPTED HIS
FATHER'S WILL AND WENT OFF AFTER THE BEAST.
HIS JOURNEY TOOK HIM INTO THE SACRED BLACK HILLS,
AND AFTER THE SECOND DAY OF TRAVELLING IN THIS MYSTERIOUS
LAND, HE HEARD THE SOUND OF SNORING, THE SLEEPING
MONSTER. FOR FIVE DAYS HE FOLLOWED THE SOUND OF THE
SNORING, TILL NOW IT SOUNDED LIKE THUNDER. HIS
JOURNEY TOOK HIM TO THE BASE OF A HIGH CLIFF-LIKE
MOUNTAIN. HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN. THE TRIP WAS
DIFFICULT, FOR HE HAD TO FOLLOW NARROW PATHS, CLIMB
SHEER CLIFFS AND WAS OFTEN FORCED TO USE HIS ROPE
TO PULL HIMSELF UP BODILY.
AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN HE FOUND A SMALL HOLE JUST BIG
ENOUGH FOR HIM TO CRAWL THROUGH. THE SOUND COMING FROM
THE HOLE WAS DEAFENING. HE ENTERED THE CAVE AND FOUND
THAT HE HAD TO CONTINUE CRAWLING ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES
FOR ABOUT SIXTY FEET, WHERE THE TUNNEL SUDDENLY WIDENED
AND HE WAS ABLE TO STAND UP. HE WALKED FOR ABOUT A HALF
HOUR WHEN HE CAME UPON A LAKE, OR RATHER A LARGE POND IN
THE CENTER OF THE MOUNTAIN. HE COULD JUDGE THE SIZE AND
DEPTH OF THE LAKE WELL, BECAUSE THE MOUNTAIN HE WAS IN
WAS ONCE A VOLCANO AND A LARGE HOLE IN THE CEILING
LIGHTED THE WHOLE OF THIS CHAMBER. THE LAKE WAS ABOUT
SIXTY FEET WIDE AND ABOUT TEN FEET DEEP. ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE LAKE WAS A HUGE DOORWAY, 10 FEET HIGH AND
EIGHT FEET WIDE. RUNNING DEER DIVED INTO THE LAKE AND
SWAM ACROSS. HE SLOWLY OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE HE SAW
--WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING ANYWAY? THERE SLEEPING
IN FRONT OF HIM WAS THIS HUGE ELEPHANT-LIKE CREATURE. IT HAD
A LARGE TRUNK, WEBBED FEET, AND WAS COVERED WITH SCALES.
RUNNING DEER SAID, "WELL I SAW IT, SO GOOD-BYE," THEN HE
REALIZED THAT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE WHAT HE SAW. HE NEEDED
PROOF. HE DECIDED TO CUT OFF ONE OF THE LARGE GREEN
SCALES AND HOPES THAT HE DOES NOT CUT A NERVE AND AWAKEN
THE MONSTER. HE TOOK OUT HIS KNIFE AND BEGAN CUTTING THE
SCALE. HE HAD ONLY ANOTHER FRACTION OF AN INCH TO GO,
WHEN THE CREATURE SCREAMED IN PAIN. HE HAD CUT A NERVE.
HE PULLED OFF THE SCALE, RAN OUT OF THE DOOR, AND SWAM
ACROSS THE LAKE. HE FIGURED THAT A CREATURE AS LARGE AS
THAT COULD NOT SWIM WELL AND THAT NOW HE WAS SAFE. THE
CREATURE BURST THROUGH THE DOOR AND RAN TO THE EDGE OF THE
POND. THE BOY LAUGHED AT HOW HE OUT-SMARTED THE CREATURE,
WHEN SUDDENLY IT BEGAN TO SPRAY THE WATER FROM THE LAKE OUT
THROUGH THE HOLD IN THE ROOF AT A FANTASTIC RATE. THE
WATER LEVEL DROPPED A FOOT EACH TIME HE SPRAYED. IT USED
ITS TRUNK LIKE A SUPER ELEPHANT'S NOSE. THE BOY WAS NO
LONGER LAUGHING. HE RAN THROUGH THE TUNNEL. HE ARRIVED
AT THE SPOT WHERE HE HAD TO CRAWL AND FINALLY BEGAN TO
BREATHE EASIER. A CREATURE LIKE THAT COULD NEVER FIT
THROUGH THE HOLE OR THIS PART OF THE RUNNEL. IT WAS TOO
NARROW FOR IT. BUT THE CREATURE WAS ALSO PART MOLE AND
SOON IT WAS BURROWING RIGHT BEHIND THE BOY. THE BOY
BEGAN TO CLIMB DOWN THE CLIFF; HE FELT THAT THE CREATURE
COULD NEVER MANAGE THE NARROW PATHS. ABOVE HIM THE
MONSTER BEGAN TO FOLLOW HIM, FOR IT WAS ALSO PART MOUNTAIN
GOAT. THE BOY REACHED THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF ONLY TO
DISCOVER THAT HIS HORSE WAS MISSING. HE WOULD HAVE TO
OUT-RUN THE BEAST. HE RAN AND RAN; BEHIND HIM HE COULD
HEAR THE CREATURE GAINING WITH EVERY STEP. EVEN THOUGH
THE BOY WAS FASTER THAN THE CREATURE, HE COULD NOT OUT-
DISTANCE THE MONSTER FOR IT WAS NOT PART, BUT ALL, ENDURANCE.
FINALLY, AFTER MILES OF RUNNING, THE BOY COLLAPSED. HE FELL
TO THE GROUND AND SAW THE CREATURE COMING ONLY YARDS AWAY.
HE PRAYED TO THE GREAT SPIRIT TO PREPARE A TEEPEE IN THE
HAPPY HUNTING GROUND FOR IT WAS ABOUT TO RECEIVE A NEW
TENANT. FINALLY DONE PRAYING, HE CLOSED HIS EYES. THE
CREATURE REACHED OUT AND SAID "TAG, NOW YOU'RE IT."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

(DEATH TO LISTENER)

WHEN I FIRST BECAME A SOUNSELOR I WAS STATIONED AT A
CAMP UP IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN. FOR REASONS WHICH WILL
BE OBVIOUS, I WON'T MENTION THE NAME OF THE CAMP.
DURING MY FIRST WEKK, WE HAD NOT BEEN ASSIGNED ANY
CABINS YET, SO I WAS STAYING , ALONG WITH ABOUT HALF
THE OTHER COUNSELORS, IN THE HOSPITAL AT THE CAMP.
ABOUT ELEVEN ON--I THINK IT WAS A TUESDAY NIGHT--I
HEARD THIS HORRIBLE SCREAM. I RAN TO THE WOMEN'S DORM
AND FOUND THE NURSE JUST LYING ON THE FLOOR; SHE HAD
FAINTED. SHE JUST KEPT MUMBLING DA GRU, DA GRU. ABOUT
THIS TIME SOME OF THE OTHER COUNSELORS ARRIVED. AFTER
THE NURSE HAD RECOVERED, I ASKED MY UNIT LEADER WHAT THIS
DA GRU STUFF WAS. HE LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM AND THERE
IN THE WINDOW WAS A PIECE OF CHAIN. NOW THAT HE WAS SURE
IT WAS DA GRU, HE WOULD TELL ME ABOUT HIM. "DA GRU,"
HE SAID, "WAS A DUTCHMAN WHO OWNED PART OF THE LAND THE
CAMP WAS BUILT ON. ABOUT TWENTY YEARS AGO, THE PEOPLE
WHO PURCHASED THIS LAND FROM DA GRU CHEATED HIM ON THE
PRICE. THEY DID NOT PAY HIM THE TRUE VALUE OF THE LAND.
WHEN DA GRU DISCOVERED THAT HE HAD BEEN CHEATED, HE VOWED
TO GET REVENGE. THAT SAME YEAR SOME OF THE BUILDINGS
WERE DAMAGED, BEATEN BY CHAINS. THE NEXT YEAR, SOME
OF THE ANIMALS KEPT AT THE CAMP WERE FOUND WITH CHAINS
WRAPPED AROUND THEIR THROATS. THAT NIGHT THE ANIMALS
WERE KILLED. SOME OF THE COUNSELORS HAD HEARD THE
SOUND OF THE CHAINS AND HEARD THIS PECULIAR "OOOING"
SOUND. THEY RAN TO THE BARN WHERE THEY FOUND THE DEAD
ANIMALS AND CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF DA GRU ENTERING THE
NEARBY WOODS. FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS NO ONE HAD HEARD OF
OF DA GRU AGAIN TILL TWO CAMPERS WERE FOUND STRANGLED
AND BEATEN BY CHAINS. A MASS MANHUNT WAS BEGUN TO
CAPTURE DA GRU. THEY FOUND HIM IN HIS CABIN, HANGING
BY A CHAIN. HE HAD HUNT HIMSELF. BESIDE HIM WAS A
NOTE WHICH SAID IN EFFECT, THAT HIS REVENGE WAS NOT
COMPLETE.
I SAID, "HOLD IT, YOU JUST SAID DA GRU WAS DEAD. HOW
COULD HE BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NURSE FAINTING AND THE
CHAIN ON THE WINDOW?" HE ASKED ME TO LET HIM CONTINUE.
FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS NO MORE WAS THOUGHT OF THE MAD MAN,
UNTIL FIVE YEARS AGO WHEN THE CAMP DISCOVERED THAT PART
OF THE LAND PURCHASED FROM DA GRU HAD A MINERAL VALUE.
JUST AS THE CAMP WAS ABOUT TO SELL SOME OF THIS LAND,
FOR A LARGE PROFIT, ONE OF THE CAMPERS WAS FOUND
MURDERED -- BEATEN WITH CHAINS. HIS FRIEND WAS FOUND
INJURED BUT ALIVE. ALL HE COULD SAY WAS 'DA GRU, DA
GRU.' THE MEN WHO FOUND HIM REPORTED HEARING THIS
STRANGE "OOOING" SOUND AND THE CLINK OF CHAINS. THE
DEAL TO SELL THE LAND FELL THROUGH, TILL A COUPLE OF
DAYS AGO. NOW THE CAMP IS AGAIN CONSIDERING SELLING
SOME OF THIS LAND. THE STORY GOES THAT DA GRU WOULD
RATHER KILL THAN ALLOW THIS PROFIT TO TAKE PLACE TO THE
PEOPLE WHO CHEATED HIM.
I ASKED, "DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS STORY?" HE
SAID, "YOU WILL AFTER TOMORROW NIGHT. WE ARE GOING TO
CAPTURE DA GRU." WELL WE, THAT IS MYSELF AND THE OTHER
COUNSELORS, WITHOUT ANY INTELLIGENCE WENT ON A WILD
GHOST CHASE. THE PLAN WAS SIMPLE: A GOAT WOULD BE TIED
IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OPEN FIELD, WITH A BELL AROUND ITS
NECK. ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAMP WOULD REMAIN
INDOORS AS WELL AS ALL THE ANIMALS, FOR IT SEEMED THAT
DA GRU COULD NOT ENTER A LOCKED WINDOW OR DOOR. THE REST
OF US WOULD REMAIN HIDDEN TILL WE HEARD THE GOAT BEING
KILLED. WE WOULD THEN, WITH THE AID OF SOME CHARM,
WHICH I HAD NO IDEA HOW IT WOULD WORK, PROCEED TO BEAT
THE GHOST WITH THE SAME CHAINS HE COMMITTED HIS DEEDS WITH.
WE WERE ALSO ARMED WITH A HEALTHY COLLECTION OF BASEBALL
BATS, B. B. GUNS AND TWENTY-TWOS. ABOUT MIDNIGHT WE HEARD
THE CRYING OF THE GOAT AND WE RAN TO THE FIELD. WE
COULD HEAR THE SOUND OF THE CHAIN AND THE STRANGE
"OOOING" SOUND. WE FOUND THE GOAT DEAD, BUT ALSO CAUGHT
A GLIMPSE OF SOME FIGURE WALKING AWAY TOWARD AN OLD CAMP-
FIRE SITE. WE CAUTIOUSLY INCHED OUR WAY DOWN THE PATH.
"WHERE IS HE?" I ASKED "WHERE?" SOMEONE WHISPERED. "I
DON'T SEE HIM," ANOTHER MANAGED TO BREATHE. "MIKE,
WHERE IS HE," (AT THIS POINT YELL "THERE", WITH ALL
YOU'VE GOT).

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

(TELLER YELLS BOO: AT EXCITING POINT

I WAS ON A CANOE TRIP A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, ALONG WITH
ANOTHER COUNSELOR AND OUR CABIN GROUPS. WE WERE UP ALONG
THE AU SABLE RIVER. ONE NIGHT ABOUT ELEVEN, AFTER THE
KIDS WERE ALL ASLEEP, ROSS, THE OTHER COUNSELOR AND
MYSELF, WERE SITTING AROUND THE FIRE DRINKING COFFEE,
WHEN WE HEARD SOME SORT OF ANIMAL COMING THROUGH THE BRUSH
A COUPLE OF HUDNRED YARDS AWAY. WE KNEW THAT IT WAS A
BIG ANIMAL, FROM THE NOISE IT MADE, AND WE FIGURED THAT
IT WAS PROBABLY A SPOOKED DEER OR A WANDERING BEAR.
WHATEVER KIND OF ANIMAL IT WAS, THE FIRE WOULD KEEP IT
AWAY. SOMETHING WAS WRONG, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF MOVING
AWAY FROM THE FIRE AS IT SHOULD OF, IT MOVED TO WITHIN
60 YARDS OF THE FIRE AND BEGAN CIRCLING, EACH CIRCLE
SEEMING TO GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. INSTEAD OF THE FIRE
SCARING AWAY THIS ANIMAL, IT ALMOST SEEMED TO BE
ATTRACTING IT. WELL, AFTER ABOUT FIVE OR TEN MINUTES OF
THIS, I WAS LIMITING MYSELF TO THREE POSSIBLE CHOICES OF
ACTION. NUMBER ONE--GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. NUMBER
TWO--TAKE THE KIDS AND ROSS WITH ME. AND THEN GET THE
HELL OUT OF THERE. NUMBER THREE--HAVE ROSS INVESTIGATE
THE SOUNDS AND OUR STALKING. JUST AS I HAD REACHED MY
DECISION, THE ANIMAL PASSED OVER A RISE ABOUT FIFTY YARDS
FROM US. THE MOON MADE HIM A SHADOW UPON HER FACE.
WE COULD SEE THAT OUR VISITOR WAS A MAN. ROSS CALLED
OUT TO HIM AND ASKED IF HE WANTED A CUP OF COFFEE. THE
MAN HESITATED FOR A MINUTE, THEN WALKED TOWARD OUR CAMP-
SITE. HE STOPPED JUST OUTSIDE THE LIGHT FROM OUR FIRE
AND SEEMED TO BE TURNING AROUND AGAIN, WHEN ROSS ASKED
AGAIN FOR HIM TO STAY A WHILE AND HAVE THAT CUP OF COFFEE.
THE MAN DID THEN COME TO THE FIRE AND SQUATTED DOWN
BESIDE IT AS ROSS HANDED HIM THE CUP. THERE WAS SOMETHING
FUNNY ABOUT THIS MAN, AND IT WAS NOT A FUNNY HA-HA, IT
WAS FUNNY WEIRD. HE WAS DRESSED IN A BUSINESS SUIT AND
THOUGH IT WAS TORN AND DIRTY FROM WALKING THROUGH THE
DARKENED WOODS, IT WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMEWHAT NEW AND
EXPENSIVE SUIT. I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT A MAN WOULD
BE DOING WANDERING IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE DRESSED AS
HE WAS. I ASKED, "HAVE YOU BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT, ARE YOU
LOST?" HE JUST KEPT STARING AT THE FIRE. ROSS ASKED,
"CAN WE HELP YOU, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE?" THE MAN ANSWERED,
"NO ONE CAN HELP ME, NO ONE. YOU SEE I AM GOING TO DIE."
I SAID, "GROOVY, ROSS I'LL GO GET THE BOYS UP AND WE CAN
BE READY TO LEAVE IN TEN MINUTES." I WHISPERED TO ROSS,
"THIS GUY'S SOME KIND OF NUT, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE."
ROSS SAID, "HOLD ON FOR A MINUTE, BOB, THIS GUY'S NOT
CRAZY, HE'S JUST SCARED, REAL SCARED, SOMETHING IS SCARING
HIM TO DEATH." I STARTED SAYING, "ROSS IF YOU THINK HE'S
SCARED, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, WATCH ME FOR A WHILE
. . . ." ROSS SAID, "JUST WAIT A FEW MINUTES, MAYBE WE CAN
HELP HIM." I SAID, "I GUESS YOU'RE ALRIGHT, MAYBE WE CAN
HELP THIS KOOK." "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM MISTER?" I ASKED
HIM. "I'M GOING TO DIE," HE SAID AGAIN, ROSS ASKED, "WHY
DO YOU SAY THAT, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE, HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO DIE?" THE MAN ANSWERED THAT "I WILL DIE AT
MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, MY FIRST PARTNER DIED ONE YEAR AGO
TODAY, AND MY SECOND PARTNER DIED SIX MONTHS AGO TODAY,
NOW IT IS MY TURN TO DIE." I SAID, "I TOLD YOU ROSS,
HE'S SOME KIND OF NUT . . . ." THE MAN ASKED, "WHAT TIME IS
IT, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LIVE?" "IT'S 11:30," ANSWERED
ROSS. "ONE HALF HOUR LEFTTO LIVE," THE MAN SAID. I ASKED,
"MISTER, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?" "I DON'T KNOW," HE
SAID, "ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M GOING TO DIE AT MIDNIGHT."
THE NEXT WENTY MINUTES PASSED SLOWLY, THE MAN REFUSED TO
SAY ANOTHER WORD. FINALLY, HE ASKED, "WHAT TIME IS IT?"
"FIVE OF, MISTER, " I SAID.... "WHAT TIME IS IT," HE
ASKED. "FOUR OF, MISTER," I SAID. . . . "WHAT TIME IS
IT?" HE ASKED AGAIN. "TWO MINUTES OF," ROSS ANSWERED.
HE SAID, "WILL YOU GIVE THIS LETTER TO MY WIFE, AFTER
I DIE?" I SAID, "I WOULD." "WHAT TIME IS IT?" ONE
MINUTE TO," I SAID. "WHAT TIME IS IT?" "MIDNIGHT," ROSS
SAID. "WHAT TIME IS IT?" THE MAN ASKED. "ONE MINUTE
AFTER," I SAID.

Submitter comment: AT THIS POINT THE TELLER OF THE STORY, SHOULD YELL "BOO"
OR SOME EQUALLY CLEVER REMARK, IN ORDER TO CAUSE THE
LISTENER TO DIE OF A HEART ATTACK.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale

Date learned: NOT

View just this record

PUN ON STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

THERE WAS AN INDIAN CHIEF NAMED SHORTCAKE. THE CHIEF
WAS A BACHELOR, AND ONE DAY HE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED.
WELL, HE GOT MARRIED AND DIED ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THEN? SQUAW BURY SHORTCAKE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; CLARKSON

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

(TAG YOU'RE IT)

LONG AGO AN OLD INDIAN CHIEF NAMED CRAZY HORSE HAD
SIX SONS, AND ALL BUT THE YOUNGEST HAD BECOME CHIEFS.
THE OLD MAN FELT THAT NOW WAS THE TIME FOR HIS
YOUNGEST SON TO BECOME A CHIEFTAN. HE HAD TO CHOOSE
A QUEST FOR HIS SON TO PROVE HIMSELF WORTHY OF BEING
MADE A CHIEF. THE MORE DANGEROUS THE QUEST, THE MORE
GLORY FOR BOTH THE SON AND THE OLD MAN. SINCE THIS WAS
HIS FAVORITE SON, THE OLD CHIEF THOUGHT OF THE MOST
DANGEROUS MISSION HE COULD FOR HIM. "GO AND FIND THE
SLEEPING MONSTER AND BRING BACK PROOF THAT YOU HAVE
SEEN IT." NOW RUNNING DEER, THE CHIEF'S SON TO WHOM
THIS QUEST WAS ASSIGNED WAS A LITTLE WORRIED, FOR THE
DOZEN PREVIOUS MEN SENT OUT TO FIND THE SLEEPING
MONSTER HAD NEVER COME BACK. BUT HE ACCEPTED HIS
FATHER'S WILL AND WENT OFF AFTER THE BEAST.
HIS JOURNEY TOOK HIM INTO THE SACRED BLACK HILLS,
AND AFTER THE SECOND DAY OF TRAVELLING IN THIS MYSTERIOUS
LAND, HE HEARD THE SOUND OF SNORING, THE SLEEPING
MONSTER. FOR FIVE DAYS HE FOLLOWED THE SOUND OF THE
SNORING, TILL NOW IT SOUNDED LIKE THUNDER. HIS
JOURNEY TOOK HIM TO THE BASE OF A HIGH CLIFF-LIKE
MOUNTAIN. HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN. THE TRIP WAS
DIFFICULT, FOR HE HAD TO FOLLOW NARROW PATHS, CLIMB
SHEER CLIFFS AND WAS OFTEN FORCED TO USE HIS ROPE
TO PULL HIMSELF UP BODILY.
AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN HE FOUND A SMALL HOLE JUST BIG
ENOUGH FOR HIM TO CRAWL THROUGH. THE SOUND COMING FROM
THE HOLE WAS DEAFENING. HE ENTERED THE CAVE AND FOUND
THAT HE HAD TO CONTINUE CRAWLING ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES
FOR ABOUT SIXTY FEET, WHERE THE TUNNEL SUDDENLY WIDENED
AND HE WAS ABLE TO STAND UP. HE WALKED FOR ABOUT A HALF
HOUR WHEN HE CAME UPON A LAKE, OR RATHER A LARGE POND IN
THE CENTER OF THE MOUNTAIN. HE COULD JUDGE THE SIZE AND
DEPTH OF THE LAKE WELL, BECAUSE THE MOUNTAIN HE WAS IN
WAS ONCE A VOLCANO AND A LARGE HOLE IN THE CEILING
LIGHTED THE WHOLE OF THIS CHAMBER. THE LAKE WAS ABOUT
SIXTY FEET WIDE AND ABOUT TEN FEET DEEP. ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE LAKE WAS A HUGE DOORWAY, 10 FEET HIGH AND
EIGHT FEET WIDE. RUNNING DEER DIVED INTO THE LAKE AND
SWAM ACROSS. HE SLOWLY OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE HE SAW
--WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING ANYWAY? THERE SLEEPING
IN FRONT OF HIM WAS THIS HUGE ELEPHANT-LIKE CREATURE. IT HAD
A LARGE TRUNK, WEBBED FEET, AND WAS COVERED WITH SCALES.
RUNNING DEER SAID, "WELL I SAW IT, SO GOOD-BYE," THEN HE
REALIZED THAT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE WHAT HE SAW. HE NEEDED
PROOF. HE DECIDED TO CUT OFF ONE OF THE LARGE GREEN
SCALES AND HOPES THAT HE DOES NOT CUT A NERVE AND AWAKEN
THE MONSTER. HE TOOK OUT HIS KNIFE AND BEGAN CUTTING THE
SCALE. HE HAD ONLY ANOTHER FRACTION OF AN INCH TO GO,
WHEN THE CREATURE SCREAMED IN PAIN. HE HAD CUT A NERVE.
HE PULLED OFF THE SCALE, RAN OUT OF THE DOOR, AND SWAM
ACROSS THE LAKE. HE FIGURED THAT A CREATURE AS LARGE AS
THAT COULD NOT SWIM WELL AND THAT NOW HE WAS SAFE. THE
CREATURE BURST THROUGH THE DOOR AND RAN TO THE EDGE OF THE
POND. THE BOY LAUGHED AT HOW HE OUT-SMARTED THE CREATURE,
WHEN SUDDENLY IT BEGAN TO SPRAY THE WATER FROM THE LAKE OUT
THROUGH THE HOLD IN THE ROOF AT A FANTASTIC RATE. THE
WATER LEVEL DROPPED A FOOT EACH TIME HE SPRAYED. IT USED
ITS TRUNK LIKE A SUPER ELEPHANT'S NOSE. THE BOY WAS NO
LONGER LAUGHING. HE RAN THROUGH THE TUNNEL. HE ARRIVED
AT THE SPOT WHERE HE HAD TO CRAWL AND FINALLY BEGAN TO
BREATHE EASIER. A CREATURE LIKE THAT COULD NEVER FIT
THROUGH THE HOLE OR THIS PART OF THE RUNNEL. IT WAS TOO
NARROW FOR IT. BUT THE CREATURE WAS ALSO PART MOLE AND
SOON IT WAS BURROWING RIGHT BEHIND THE BOY. THE BOY
BEGAN TO CLIMB DOWN THE CLIFF; HE FELT THAT THE CREATURE
COULD NEVER MANAGE THE NARROW PATHS. ABOVE HIM THE
MONSTER BEGAN TO FOLLOW HIM, FOR IT WAS ALSO PART MOUNTAIN
GOAT. THE BOY REACHED THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF ONLY TO
DISCOVER THAT HIS HORSE WAS MISSING. HE WOULD HAVE TO
OUT-RUN THE BEAST. HE RAN AND RAN; BEHIND HIM HE COULD
HEAR THE CREATURE GAINING WITH EVERY STEP. EVEN THOUGH
THE BOY WAS FASTER THAN THE CREATURE, HE COULD NOT OUT-
DISTANCE THE MONSTER FOR IT WAS NOT PART, BUT ALL, ENDURANCE.
FINALLY, AFTER MILES OF RUNNING, THE BOY COLLAPSED. HE FELL
TO THE GROUND AND SAW THE CREATURE COMING ONLY YARDS AWAY.
HE PRAYED TO THE GREAT SPIRIT TO PREPARE A TEEPEE IN THE
HAPPY HUNTING GROUND FOR IT WAS ABOUT TO RECEIVE A NEW
TENANT. FINALLY DONE PRAYING, HE CLOSED HIS EYES. THE
CREATURE REACHED OUT AND SAID "TAG, NOW YOU'RE IT."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

View just this record

(DEATH TO LISTENER)

WHEN I FIRST BECAME A SOUNSELOR I WAS STATIONED AT A
CAMP UP IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN. FOR REASONS WHICH WILL
BE OBVIOUS, I WON'T MENTION THE NAME OF THE CAMP.
DURING MY FIRST WEKK, WE HAD NOT BEEN ASSIGNED ANY
CABINS YET, SO I WAS STAYING , ALONG WITH ABOUT HALF
THE OTHER COUNSELORS, IN THE HOSPITAL AT THE CAMP.
ABOUT ELEVEN ON--I THINK IT WAS A TUESDAY NIGHT--I
HEARD THIS HORRIBLE SCREAM. I RAN TO THE WOMEN'S DORM
AND FOUND THE NURSE JUST LYING ON THE FLOOR; SHE HAD
FAINTED. SHE JUST KEPT MUMBLING DA GRU, DA GRU. ABOUT
THIS TIME SOME OF THE OTHER COUNSELORS ARRIVED. AFTER
THE NURSE HAD RECOVERED, I ASKED MY UNIT LEADER WHAT THIS
DA GRU STUFF WAS. HE LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM AND THERE
IN THE WINDOW WAS A PIECE OF CHAIN. NOW THAT HE WAS SURE
IT WAS DA GRU, HE WOULD TELL ME ABOUT HIM. "DA GRU,"
HE SAID, "WAS A DUTCHMAN WHO OWNED PART OF THE LAND THE
CAMP WAS BUILT ON. ABOUT TWENTY YEARS AGO, THE PEOPLE
WHO PURCHASED THIS LAND FROM DA GRU CHEATED HIM ON THE
PRICE. THEY DID NOT PAY HIM THE TRUE VALUE OF THE LAND.
WHEN DA GRU DISCOVERED THAT HE HAD BEEN CHEATED, HE VOWED
TO GET REVENGE. THAT SAME YEAR SOME OF THE BUILDINGS
WERE DAMAGED, BEATEN BY CHAINS. THE NEXT YEAR, SOME
OF THE ANIMALS KEPT AT THE CAMP WERE FOUND WITH CHAINS
WRAPPED AROUND THEIR THROATS. THAT NIGHT THE ANIMALS
WERE KILLED. SOME OF THE COUNSELORS HAD HEARD THE
SOUND OF THE CHAINS AND HEARD THIS PECULIAR "OOOING"
SOUND. THEY RAN TO THE BARN WHERE THEY FOUND THE DEAD
ANIMALS AND CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF DA GRU ENTERING THE
NEARBY WOODS. FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS NO ONE HAD HEARD OF
OF DA GRU AGAIN TILL TWO CAMPERS WERE FOUND STRANGLED
AND BEATEN BY CHAINS. A MASS MANHUNT WAS BEGUN TO
CAPTURE DA GRU. THEY FOUND HIM IN HIS CABIN, HANGING
BY A CHAIN. HE HAD HUNT HIMSELF. BESIDE HIM WAS A
NOTE WHICH SAID IN EFFECT, THAT HIS REVENGE WAS NOT
COMPLETE.
I SAID, "HOLD IT, YOU JUST SAID DA GRU WAS DEAD. HOW
COULD HE BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NURSE FAINTING AND THE
CHAIN ON THE WINDOW?" HE ASKED ME TO LET HIM CONTINUE.
FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS NO MORE WAS THOUGHT OF THE MAD MAN,
UNTIL FIVE YEARS AGO WHEN THE CAMP DISCOVERED THAT PART
OF THE LAND PURCHASED FROM DA GRU HAD A MINERAL VALUE.
JUST AS THE CAMP WAS ABOUT TO SELL SOME OF THIS LAND,
FOR A LARGE PROFIT, ONE OF THE CAMPERS WAS FOUND
MURDERED -- BEATEN WITH CHAINS. HIS FRIEND WAS FOUND
INJURED BUT ALIVE. ALL HE COULD SAY WAS 'DA GRU, DA
GRU.' THE MEN WHO FOUND HIM REPORTED HEARING THIS
STRANGE "OOOING" SOUND AND THE CLINK OF CHAINS. THE
DEAL TO SELL THE LAND FELL THROUGH, TILL A COUPLE OF
DAYS AGO. NOW THE CAMP IS AGAIN CONSIDERING SELLING
SOME OF THIS LAND. THE STORY GOES THAT DA GRU WOULD
RATHER KILL THAN ALLOW THIS PROFIT TO TAKE PLACE TO THE
PEOPLE WHO CHEATED HIM.
I ASKED, "DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS STORY?" HE
SAID, "YOU WILL AFTER TOMORROW NIGHT. WE ARE GOING TO
CAPTURE DA GRU." WELL WE, THAT IS MYSELF AND THE OTHER
COUNSELORS, WITHOUT ANY INTELLIGENCE WENT ON A WILD
GHOST CHASE. THE PLAN WAS SIMPLE: A GOAT WOULD BE TIED
IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OPEN FIELD, WITH A BELL AROUND ITS
NECK. ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAMP WOULD REMAIN
INDOORS AS WELL AS ALL THE ANIMALS, FOR IT SEEMED THAT
DA GRU COULD NOT ENTER A LOCKED WINDOW OR DOOR. THE REST
OF US WOULD REMAIN HIDDEN TILL WE HEARD THE GOAT BEING
KILLED. WE WOULD THEN, WITH THE AID OF SOME CHARM,
WHICH I HAD NO IDEA HOW IT WOULD WORK, PROCEED TO BEAT
THE GHOST WITH THE SAME CHAINS HE COMMITTED HIS DEEDS WITH.
WE WERE ALSO ARMED WITH A HEALTHY COLLECTION OF BASEBALL
BATS, B. B. GUNS AND TWENTY-TWOS. ABOUT MIDNIGHT WE HEARD
THE CRYING OF THE GOAT AND WE RAN TO THE FIELD. WE
COULD HEAR THE SOUND OF THE CHAIN AND THE STRANGE
"OOOING" SOUND. WE FOUND THE GOAT DEAD, BUT ALSO CAUGHT
A GLIMPSE OF SOME FIGURE WALKING AWAY TOWARD AN OLD CAMP-
FIRE SITE. WE CAUTIOUSLY INCHED OUR WAY DOWN THE PATH.
"WHERE IS HE?" I ASKED "WHERE?" SOMEONE WHISPERED. "I
DON'T SEE HIM," ANOTHER MANAGED TO BREATHE. "MIKE,
WHERE IS HE," (AT THIS POINT YELL "THERE", WITH ALL
YOU'VE GOT).

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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(TELLER YELLS BOO: AT EXCITING POINT

I WAS ON A CANOE TRIP A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, ALONG WITH
ANOTHER COUNSELOR AND OUR CABIN GROUPS. WE WERE UP ALONG
THE AU SABLE RIVER. ONE NIGHT ABOUT ELEVEN, AFTER THE
KIDS WERE ALL ASLEEP, ROSS, THE OTHER COUNSELOR AND
MYSELF, WERE SITTING AROUND THE FIRE DRINKING COFFEE,
WHEN WE HEARD SOME SORT OF ANIMAL COMING THROUGH THE BRUSH
A COUPLE OF HUDNRED YARDS AWAY. WE KNEW THAT IT WAS A
BIG ANIMAL, FROM THE NOISE IT MADE, AND WE FIGURED THAT
IT WAS PROBABLY A SPOOKED DEER OR A WANDERING BEAR.
WHATEVER KIND OF ANIMAL IT WAS, THE FIRE WOULD KEEP IT
AWAY. SOMETHING WAS WRONG, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF MOVING
AWAY FROM THE FIRE AS IT SHOULD OF, IT MOVED TO WITHIN
60 YARDS OF THE FIRE AND BEGAN CIRCLING, EACH CIRCLE
SEEMING TO GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. INSTEAD OF THE FIRE
SCARING AWAY THIS ANIMAL, IT ALMOST SEEMED TO BE
ATTRACTING IT. WELL, AFTER ABOUT FIVE OR TEN MINUTES OF
THIS, I WAS LIMITING MYSELF TO THREE POSSIBLE CHOICES OF
ACTION. NUMBER ONE--GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. NUMBER
TWO--TAKE THE KIDS AND ROSS WITH ME. AND THEN GET THE
HELL OUT OF THERE. NUMBER THREE--HAVE ROSS INVESTIGATE
THE SOUNDS AND OUR STALKING. JUST AS I HAD REACHED MY
DECISION, THE ANIMAL PASSED OVER A RISE ABOUT FIFTY YARDS
FROM US. THE MOON MADE HIM A SHADOW UPON HER FACE.
WE COULD SEE THAT OUR VISITOR WAS A MAN. ROSS CALLED
OUT TO HIM AND ASKED IF HE WANTED A CUP OF COFFEE. THE
MAN HESITATED FOR A MINUTE, THEN WALKED TOWARD OUR CAMP-
SITE. HE STOPPED JUST OUTSIDE THE LIGHT FROM OUR FIRE
AND SEEMED TO BE TURNING AROUND AGAIN, WHEN ROSS ASKED
AGAIN FOR HIM TO STAY A WHILE AND HAVE THAT CUP OF COFFEE.
THE MAN DID THEN COME TO THE FIRE AND SQUATTED DOWN
BESIDE IT AS ROSS HANDED HIM THE CUP. THERE WAS SOMETHING
FUNNY ABOUT THIS MAN, AND IT WAS NOT A FUNNY HA-HA, IT
WAS FUNNY WEIRD. HE WAS DRESSED IN A BUSINESS SUIT AND
THOUGH IT WAS TORN AND DIRTY FROM WALKING THROUGH THE
DARKENED WOODS, IT WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMEWHAT NEW AND
EXPENSIVE SUIT. I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT A MAN WOULD
BE DOING WANDERING IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE DRESSED AS
HE WAS. I ASKED, "HAVE YOU BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT, ARE YOU
LOST?" HE JUST KEPT STARING AT THE FIRE. ROSS ASKED,
"CAN WE HELP YOU, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE?" THE MAN ANSWERED,
"NO ONE CAN HELP ME, NO ONE. YOU SEE I AM GOING TO DIE."
I SAID, "GROOVY, ROSS I'LL GO GET THE BOYS UP AND WE CAN
BE READY TO LEAVE IN TEN MINUTES." I WHISPERED TO ROSS,
"THIS GUY'S SOME KIND OF NUT, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE."
ROSS SAID, "HOLD ON FOR A MINUTE, BOB, THIS GUY'S NOT
CRAZY, HE'S JUST SCARED, REAL SCARED, SOMETHING IS SCARING
HIM TO DEATH." I STARTED SAYING, "ROSS IF YOU THINK HE'S
SCARED, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, WATCH ME FOR A WHILE
. . . ." ROSS SAID, "JUST WAIT A FEW MINUTES, MAYBE WE CAN
HELP HIM." I SAID, "I GUESS YOU'RE ALRIGHT, MAYBE WE CAN
HELP THIS KOOK." "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM MISTER?" I ASKED
HIM. "I'M GOING TO DIE," HE SAID AGAIN, ROSS ASKED, "WHY
DO YOU SAY THAT, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE, HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO DIE?" THE MAN ANSWERED THAT "I WILL DIE AT
MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, MY FIRST PARTNER DIED ONE YEAR AGO
TODAY, AND MY SECOND PARTNER DIED SIX MONTHS AGO TODAY,
NOW IT IS MY TURN TO DIE." I SAID, "I TOLD YOU ROSS,
HE'S SOME KIND OF NUT . . . ." THE MAN ASKED, "WHAT TIME IS
IT, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LIVE?" "IT'S 11:30," ANSWERED
ROSS. "ONE HALF HOUR LEFTTO LIVE," THE MAN SAID. I ASKED,
"MISTER, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?" "I DON'T KNOW," HE
SAID, "ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M GOING TO DIE AT MIDNIGHT."
THE NEXT WENTY MINUTES PASSED SLOWLY, THE MAN REFUSED TO
SAY ANOTHER WORD. FINALLY, HE ASKED, "WHAT TIME IS IT?"
"FIVE OF, MISTER, " I SAID.... "WHAT TIME IS IT," HE
ASKED. "FOUR OF, MISTER," I SAID. . . . "WHAT TIME IS
IT?" HE ASKED AGAIN. "TWO MINUTES OF," ROSS ANSWERED.
HE SAID, "WILL YOU GIVE THIS LETTER TO MY WIFE, AFTER
I DIE?" I SAID, "I WOULD." "WHAT TIME IS IT?" ONE
MINUTE TO," I SAID. "WHAT TIME IS IT?" "MIDNIGHT," ROSS
SAID. "WHAT TIME IS IT?" THE MAN ASKED. "ONE MINUTE
AFTER," I SAID.

Submitter comment: AT THIS POINT THE TELLER OF THE STORY, SHOULD YELL "BOO"
OR SOME EQUALLY CLEVER REMARK, IN ORDER TO CAUSE THE
LISTENER TO DIE OF A HEART ATTACK.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; ESCANABA

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale

Date learned: NOT

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